Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Random things about Israel

Corn is on everything. It is what they sell on the streets, like cotton candy and/or pretzels. My friend had a tuna and corn sandwich. Note: learn how to say words of vegetables. Because friend could only say tuna, this is what he got.

People just sit in their cars randomly. They stare at you. Sometimes they are eating. Sometimes they are preparing for a nap. Sometimes they are just sitting there. So they can stare at you.

No one buys kleenex. You see people carrying around toilet paper rolls in their cars, in restaurants, in class. Actually, very smart. Who needs the propriety of kleenex anyways?

An argument or problem has occurred. It may concern two people, say the ticket checker and someone with an expired ticket on the train. Within the span of 20 seconds, half the train car will be participating in the conversation, vehemently arguing for one side or the other. Remember the beginning scene of "Fiddler on the Roof"? Not an exaggeration.

Time? Doesn't really matter. If the train station says the train may arrive in 17 minutes, it could be true. Or the train could arrive in the next two minutes and the only way you know is that you will see the signs flashing "Vehicle in Station" as the train whizzes by you.



People pretend not to stop for pedestrians, but they do. Honestly, I think Israeli cars must have the best brakes in the entire world. I think it is hilarious to stick my leg out in front of a speeding car and to watch them stop a full 5 feet away from me, as though they were actually driving at the speed limit. Even better when I am with someone who is sure I will get hit.

Construction vehicles are really not that scary. So, there may be a steamroller chugging past you, squishing the asphalt. So, this vehicle may be the size of a dinosaur and could make your foot look like a pancake. But, this does not require all the fuss of caution tape and barriers. Just be careful and aware, and you'll be fine.

Sidewalks and bicycle lanes are really not Israel's strong suit. The funniest bike lane is on a hill between my apartment and my school campus. The bike lane ends right before the narrowest part of the road. This is also the part of the road that is usually clogged with lumbering buses. So, you are forced to whiz down the hill a few inches away from a bus, simply hoping you won't die. Sidewalks are equally bad. Random things are placed in the middle of them. Like poles. They often end abruptly. Usually right before a turn so you are forced to step into the middle of the street as a car blindly turns the corner.

If you tell people you are from the States, they will be offended that you act as though they don't know any of the States. When you tell them that you are from Colorado, they will look at you blankly. If you do it in the opposite direction, they will ask you where Colorado is. You cannot win.

Turning your hand so the back of your fingers face the person you are gesturing at and putting all your fingertips together on your thumb is the hand gesture that accompanies the words "Shnia," or "Rega." Basically, these mean "Wait." Usually it is implied that you must wait because, really, how dare you interrupt the security guard who is supposed to be checking your bag in the middle of their important argument with their boyfriend? Rega.

Doing a job really only implies showing up. Sometimes, that is. It does not include answering questions. Such as, where your wallet might be if you have lost it and are in fact standing in the Lost and Found office. It is not your problem if you cannot see it at first glance.

Likewise, Israeli hours are very interesting. Take a hilarious character at school. She was the only person in her department who could fix incredibly important problems for stressed out students. Her hours were from 8-4. She was often not in her office until 10. She often had left her office before 2. Not to mention her lunch break. Sometimes, people would stand in the hallway with their ear pressed against the door during office hours. It was obvious that said worker was inside, talking on her phone to her grandmother, but had actually LOCKED the door, so you could not bother her. She would then disappear. I think she used to jump out the window.

People run at night and this is not at all strange. If you run during the day, people do not seem to understand why.

I am a very ambiguous looking person. I have always known this, but it is certainly fun for people to try to figure out my background. An Ethiopian man figured out I was African and a Jew, but didn't know why or how. At the Dome of the Rock, a Muslim man inquired if I was Muslim, about to direct me to the mosque. In a store, a storekeeper confessed in Hebrew (which I understand some of) to his friend that he didn't know if he should speak to me in Spanish or in English. It was only today when I was at the Shuk, at a stall with the cheapest onions (I bought 15 onions for 4.80. That is 15 onions for about $1), that someone actually guessed my heritage. The storekeeper challenged a client to guess the nationalities of me and my friends. The client was obviously uncomfortable, but knowledgeable and he guessed that I was an American "hetzi hetzi" (half-half), black and white. I enjoy the irony that it was the man who protested that my background didn't make the slightest different who was the only one to guess it accurately.

Art is everywhere. On walls, on the ground. In fact, the staircase you are walking up could in fact be a famous piece of artwork made by an internationally acclaimed artist making a political statement. Whether understated or dramatically covering an entire wall, Israel loves its art.

Grass does not exist here. Parks are very different from how I think of them. They are more dirt and scrubby brush than grass. Just different, not better or worse.

Toilets have two buttons. One of the most genius things ever. One for a lot of water and one for little water. It is up to the user's discretion which button they feel their...ahem...droppings require.

At the shuk, eggs come in crates of about 24. Think of carrying home a tray of eggs the size of a large pizza. Always interesting to navigate the train or bus with this.

20 shekels of olives is in fact a lot. You should probably only buy things by saying "kazat od" (a little more), not by pretending that you know how much 20 shekels of olives amounts to (at least 2 kilos).

Scarfs are huge here. And only about 3 dollars. The best present ever.

Change is counted in 10s. So, if you buy something that is 4.98, you can either be short-changed or you can end up not paying enough. I'm sure it all evens out...

Picking up a little of something and tasting it at the shuk is perfectly acceptable. The vendors will have their wares cut open to display the riches of their innards. A very smart way to shop, if you ask me.

Self-service at spice and nut/dried fruit vendors is not a big thing. Very intimidating for us Americans who like to shop by ourselves.

Some shop keepers won't leave you alone and you will find yourself buying something that is overpriced and you really didn't want in the first place (see: bargaining). Others will not even acknowledge your presence.

If machines that you know should work one way suddenly begin to work another way, do not be too surprised. If you are trying to buy a ticket for the train and find that one machine will only take credit cards and the only other machine will only let you refill your money on your train card, despite the fact that within the past week, both machines had allowed you to be cash, do not react too strongly. Simply throw up your hands in confusion, try to ignore the fact that there are five Israeli train workers have a lovely chat next to you while you fight with the machines and go get on the bus.

Temperatures inside have only two levels: hellishly hot or freezing cold. Do not think that these temperatures will correspond with the weather outside. If it is hellishly hot, it is usually on a day when it is hot outside. Likewise if it is cold. Those are the only days that the heat and the air conditioning seem to work.

Waiters expect you to seat yourselves. And you must ask if you want water. Your utensils will be brought to you according to what you order. You must request the bill. Enjoy your hassle-free meal!

There is, sadly, tons of trash everywhere. It is not abnormal to see someone rip up something and toss it on the ground.

It is actually quite easy to distinguish between most Israeli and most Arab inhabitants of Israel. Even if they are, for some strange reason, mixed somewhere, you will most likely be able to pick out which is which. Arabs often wear kaffiyehs, the beautiful black/red and white checked scarves. The teenage boys wear their hair spiked in all different directions, tight fancy jeans and boxy jackets. The usually wear clunky shoes. Arab women are usually in a head scarf, long skirt/jacket of some type. Israeli people are usually marked by their Jewishness: women in head scarfs/wigs, calf-length skirts/dresses, tons of makeup; men in long, black jackets, black pants, black hat, sometimes with pais or a kippa. Of course, these are vast generalizations, but generalizations do come from somewhere...

Arabic is spoken from the chest. Hebrew is spoken from the back of the throat. English is spoken from the front of the face. Although all speakers can be equally loud, English speakers somehow manage to be much louder than most other people. Beware of this, it calls a lot of attention.

Color is not cool, unless you are a Muslim women wearing a beautifully patterned scarf. Otherwise, stick with dark colors: black is always safe, dark blue, dark green, and white. Only tourists wear loud, clashing colors. (I ALWAYS stand out in my red jacket and pink scarf).

Staring is normal. For men.

"Hiya, hennu!" "Wow!" "Habibi!" are phrases often shouted when walking around Arab areas, especially if you are female, especially if you are white, ESPECIALLY if you are blonde. Ignoring it works, usually no one follows up.

Split second judgments about your nationality WILL be made when you are in touristy areas. I find this hilarious and delightful. They are sometimes horribly wrong (my blonde, tall roommate is usually asked if she is from Sweden or Germany. When, one day, someone asked if she was from China and said hello in Mandarin, she was rather surprised.)

Pretending you are not getting ripped off even if you know you are will make you feel much better about yourself. Taking someone who is a good bargainer with you when you want to buy something is a must. If you are shy and too polite to bargain hardcore, like I am, I would suggest just avoiding places that require this type of interaction. You'll just end up spending more than you want to.

If you want to hitchhike, stick your pointer finger out. Hitchhiking seems pretty normal here.

Kids run away by themselves almost everywhere in Jerusalem. Especially the Haredi kids: you will see five year olds wandering down the street by themselves. Funny that all we hear in the States is about how dangerous Jerusalem is, but I have seen more freedom in this respect than I ever saw in the States.

Dogs are not big in Jerusalem. Cats, however, have the run of the land. They are well-fed and crazy. Often they have only one good eye.

Finding times and places for important things, like bus stations, is again, not really normal in Israel. Much easier to just ask someone.

People live normal lives here. When it is dark, things close. When it is the weekend, things close. None of that crazy 24 hour crap we have in the States.

People live normal lives here #2. Kids play soccer next to the Dome of the Rock. People walk to the Kotel to pray everyday. You will smell Shabbat dinner being cooked in the Old City.

PEOPLE SPEAK ENGLISH. If you want to say racist or opinionated things, wait until you are at home. EVERYONE UNDERSTANDS YOU.

Recycling is just starting to kick off here. You might have to search, but paper and plastic recycling stations do exist.

You will walk a lot. Even after you figure out how to use public transportation (which, after 4 months I still don't feel like I have a complete handle on). Buses stop running at night (the night ones come about every hour). Taxis are expensive. The train stops running at midnight. If you want to be out later, you either pay up or you walk.

Everyone lives on a mountain in Jerusalem. Be prepared.

Things are not as close as they seem. Just because you can see the Old City from your window does not mean that it won't take you 30-45 minutes to get there. It will.

Cars are small!

Israelis love correct change. They will stand for our American laziness (handing someone a large bill cause we are too lazy to dig in our pockets for the change). They will ask you for the correct change and make a sour face if you don't have it.

People smoke. Everywhere. Into their babies' faces. Under no smoking signs. In offices, in restaurants, in school. There are tons of no smoking signs, but they are often ignored.

Planning in advance does not happen here. For example: I am leaving on Friday morning at 3 AM. I keep trying to reserve a shuttle only to be told by a disgruntled employee to call on Thursday. My room checkout is also supposed to happen on Thursday. This makes me, who has been taught to do everything at least 2 weeks in advance, very, very nervous.

So, there you go! A bit of random stuff about life in Israel!

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